Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
