I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
