I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
