sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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