My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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