I feel great
I just peed on a car
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
