I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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