he was CRYING into my vagina
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
