forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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