I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
