1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
