I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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