You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
