Please, let me fuck your mom
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
