Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
