We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
