i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
