I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
