Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
