Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
