I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
