I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
