That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
