hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
