You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
