If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
