How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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