Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
