you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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