genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
