Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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