My brain says no but my pants say off.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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