the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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