never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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