Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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