exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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