I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
