If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
