Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
