And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
