.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
We are two peas in an std pod
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
