they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
