Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
