how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
