I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
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