apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
porn star boner night. come get it.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
