let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
