he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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