maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
