i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
