I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
